carlos and lauren

Carlos sat, waiting, on his couch for Lauren to arrive. When he heard a knock on his door, he quickly pushed himself up from the couch and walked over to the door. He opened the door and then pushed his hands in his pockets. "Hey," Lauren said smiling. She'd only been into Carlos's apartment twice-counting right then, and she always felt like she had to notice everything. It was as though each painting, vase, and trophy was a key into his life. "Lauren, can we talk?" Carlos asked, skipping the pleasantries. "Of course," she said. Carlos led her over to the couch and they sat down. Lauren picked up the remote to change the channel, but Carlos took it from her and turned off the television. "This is serious," Lauren said.
"A little bit."
"So, what's up?" she asked, curling her legs underneath herself and turning to face him.
"I'm sorry, Lauren. I shouldn't have said that you didn't know me."
"It's fine. You're honestly right. I don't know you."
Carlos nodded, "Yeah, but I don't want to ever be able to say that again. I want you to know me, Lauren."
"Okay," Lauren said shrugging. "That'll happen as we talk more."
"No, I want you to know tonight."
Lauren laughed, "Wait, you're serious?"
"Of course."
"You don't have to do this, Carlos. I don't expect you to or anything."
"I know."
Carlos took a deep breath and started, "The reason I say I screw everything up is because every since I was little, I've been told that. From the day I was born, I've screwed stuff up."
"Not true," Lauren interrupted.
"Please, just listen. My mom and my dad were doing great for a couple year. At least, as great as too alcoholics and chain-smokers can do. When my dad found out my mom was pregnant, he left. Just like that, he was gone. I've never even seen my dad once. I don't even know his last name. My mom turned to drugs once my dad left. When I was born, I was addicted to nicotine, alcohol, and cocaine. My mom had me at the house by a doctor she knew. If she hadn't, I would have been sent to a foster home. She also told me that I'd screwed her life up. She's been telling me that every since the day I was born. I could never do anything right in her eyes. She'd make me get her drinks and her cigarrettes, and sometimes even her cocaine. I was only seven when I first started sneaking some. She'd never sent me anywhere to get over my addiction, and I could still feel it in me. It wasn't like she ever noticed. She was too high or drunk to even see me. I hated her. I hated everything she did and everything she said. The first time someone told me I was cool was when I brought a group of kids at school some cocaine they'd wanted. We were friends after that. I say friends and I mean it. They may have been doing drugs and into some crazy shit, but I they cared about me. They listened to me cry on the phone for hours when my mom would do something. I was thirteen then. Soon, we all started stealing. That's when a guy in my group of friends wanted a big screen tv. I told him I could get it for him. I'd never stolen anything that big, though. I got caught."
"And that's how you ended up here?" Lauren asked.
"Exactly. I got sent to juvie. That's where I met Emily. She reminded me so much of this girl that I'd been friends with. I thought she was perfect. Thankfully, she thought the same about me. Soon, though, I saw Amanda. God, she was beautiful. You may not believe in love at first sight, but from the second I saw her smile, I was in love." Carlos smiled at this and his eyes shined.
"She was so great. I loved her with every single piece of my broken heart. In some weird, twisted way, she fixed me. She loved me. For the first time, a female actually loved me. She truly cared about me and she showed me that I could be loved. She told me was I was great and that she'd never leave me. She gave me hope that I'd actually turn out okay. With her help, I stopped doing cocaine. She wanted to help me," Carlos said, a tear falling from his eyes. He brushed it off.
Lauren wiped her own tears away, as well.
"I've never felt anything like what I felt with her. God, I was completely different before her. The person you see right here is all because of Amanda. Maybe you think I make too much of a big deal out of her and that I should just forget her, but I can't. I've spent years trying to, but nothing ever helps. I still love her and I don't see myself ever not. She's all I ever think about and she's the only person who's ever known the real me."
"Carlos," Lauren began, but she choked up on her words and tears poured from her eyes.
"Lauren, I may ruin the night by saying this, but when I'm around you, I feel something that's the closest to what I felt with Amanda since her."
Lauren just hugged him. "Carlos, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said earlier tonight."
Carlos kissed her shoulder, "It's no big deal, Lauren."